Guest Post: Does the economy effect your decision to have kids?

Author: Ashley

16 Oct

Hello! I’m on my way to the Grand Canyon today. Mrs. Money over at the Ultimate Money Blog has been kind enough to send a guest post my way. Great thanks to her and make sure you check out her blog. It’s definitely worth the read.

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I always thought I would have children before I turned 25. Now that age is getting much closer and it doesn’t look like there will be any children in our very near future. I’ll be honest- I’m a little sad, but not nearly as upset as I thought I would be. While children are a blessing, they are also a lot of work, and I just am not ready for that responsibility yet. With the economy in its current edition, that plays heavy on my mind every day. I go back and forth on whether now (or ever!) is the right time to have a baby.

I am honestly afraid to bring a child into this world with the economy the way it is right now. I know things will never be perfect, but with all the turmoil in the world today, I am really apprehensive about choosing to get pregnant now. What if I lost my job while I was pregnant? What if we weren’t able to make our mortgage payment and bills? I would feel guilty for choosing to have a child and then not able to afford it. What type of a parent does that make me? I want to know that when we do decide to have children that we can 100% afford them. Now, many people tell me that I will never be able to afford a child, and if I wait until then that I won’t ever have kids. I just want to be a little more financially stable.

Kids are so expensive. Sometimes I think about not having kids just because of all the money we’d save. I know it sounds horrible, but I’m being honest here! I know that with all the expenses going out for bills, and then to add a child or two on top of that, it would be a lot more money going out each month! If we didn’t have kids, we would be able to pay off more debt, save more money, and live a more extravagant life. By “extravagant” I mean less strapped for cash. Diapers, clothing, cribs… the list goes on an on. Kids are really expensive!

If we didn’t have children, our lives wouldn’t be as stressful as if we did. Right now we have two Labrador retrievers that are like our children. Sometimes they are so naughty I can feel my blood pressure rise! I can only imagine the stress children would bring to daily life. With myself and my husband both being in management, we lead stressful professional lives. Why add more stress onto our daily routines and onto our marriage as well if we could choose not to?

If we don’t have children, I think I will always wish that I did. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering how it would be if we had children. I don’t want to grow old and then resent my choice to be child free. I know a couple that tried and tried to have a baby, and after a few years they gave up. She didn’t want to undergo any more fertility treatments, and they chose not to adopt. Now she wishes she had gone the extra step. I don’t want to be like that, but I also don’t want to resent the choice to have a baby.

It’s such a hard choice, and one that cannot be taken lightly. I think this is the biggest decision anyone can make in their life. Being responsible for another human being is the ultimate responsibility. While it may be good when it comes to tax time, I’m also being realistic and will be as sure as I possibly can when it comes down to the wire. Does (or did) money affect your decision to have a child?

Ashley here: I think it’s impossible to make the decision to have kids with a rational mind. It’s not a rational decision. There is NO reason to have kids if you are going to sit down and make pros and cons list. I can’t think of any pros. Less money, less time, less sleep, more stress, more chaos, more responsibility. But to me, it’s what life is all about. Life isn’t about how much money you have when you die, how many fancy vacations you took, or what kind of car is parked in front of your big house. It’s about loving, giving, having a family, growing, learning, and experiencing. And having kids gives you all those things in a way that money never will. I couldn’t live my life without ever seeing my child on Christmas morning, or watching those first wobbly steps, or waking up at 2 am to clean puke off the rug. (Ok, maybe I could do without that last one.)

pic by: peasap

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4 Responses for "Guest Post: Does the economy effect your decision to have kids?"

Kristy October 16th, 2008 at 8:05 am 1
I have to admit that money did affect my decision of when to have children, but so did mine and DH’s age. We were married at 23 and I always thought I would have one (and only one child) before I turned 30. DH and I had a lot of fun for 3 years, bought and sold a condo and built a house. We then decided that we were as financially sound as we could possibly be, especially for our age and thought we should start trying. I had DD when I was 27. I don’t know what I did before having kids. Sometimes I miss the freedom that I used to have, but overall I really love being a mom.

I am now pregnant again and there were many factors to consider with this one. I work full time and I was taking classes the past few years. The classes I had to take, took me away from my family for a week at a time typically 4 times a year. I did not want to leave DH with one toddler and one baby while I was traveling, nor do I want to leave a newborn overnight during the first year (this is a personal thing for me). So we waited until I was done with classes and again I am happy that we did. I know that we can afford another child, we have a well funded emergency fund, retirement accounts, etc. If something happens to one of our jobs we know that we can still make it.

It is such a hard decision, the timing of when to have children. You really will never be ready for the joy that children bring to your life. My child has taught me how to slow down and enjoy the little things in life, like a walk around the neighborhood, picking up stones along the way, the smell of fresh flowers, etc. Good luck making your decision!
LAL October 16th, 2008 at 3:41 pm 2
I’m a DINK approaching 30. I always thought I’d have one by 30, but now I don’t think so. Do I care? Yes and No. Am I financially ready? Most would say yes, and in my heart I know we can afford it.

But should I have a child is a different question. Money isn’t the reason to not have kids. But there are a lot of emotional and physical reasons not to.

Like Kristy I’m not pleased at the thought of having a child while my DH works 12+ hours with school and work. I’d be basically a single parent and my mental sanity might not last. Plus my DH would miss out on a lot and is that fair to him?

So sometimes not having child or postponing children isn’t only about finances. It’s about where you are in your life.

And having children to fix a marriage or a relationships is also not a great idea. They should happen because you want them, not because you think your life will be better. Life should be good without them. Kids aren’t supposed to be made to make you happier.
A grateful father November 16th, 2008 at 5:02 pm 3
As a father of two boys, I understand the sacrifices one takes on when making the decision to have children. Since my wife is a stay-at-home mom, I am the sole breadwinner for the family and our life has certainly been less extravagant since we had children. We may have fewer luxuries, less time with each other and less time to pursue our own interests. But there are also benefits. You are forced to grow as a person, to learn valuable skills, and you gain the self-esteem of being a parent. You learn to understand someone else’s emotional state, their needs, and how to set appropriate limits. As your children grow and they learn to become more independent, there is pride in watching them become responsible individuals, capable of interacting with others and their world in an effective manner. Because of your growth as a person, your skills in the workplace may be more appreciated and parenthood may actually increase your job security. Yes, you give up much, but in the long run, if you do a good job, you will be rewarded!
Mark82 October 22nd, 2009 at 8:43 am 4
Not only do you want to make sure that they are ready for the instruction, but you must also determine if they already have some of the skills you have identified for instruction. ,