Wide Open Wallet
An honest look at family finances
Joint Accounts
Author: Ashley9 Sep
I’ve been inspired by Kristy over at Master Your Card to write about my experience with joint finances. She just wrote a post about all the negative things she has seen while working at a credit union when people have joint accounts. While I can see the potential dangers involved, I’ve always been a fan of joint accounts.
My husband and I combined finances when we moved in together. We were engaged and were having a house built together, clearly very serious about each other. Oh, did I mention we had only been dating for 2 months. lol. It was what you would call “a whirlwind relationship”. Obviously, not something that I would recommend to others but it worked for us.
My husband had never had a formal written budget. He was good with his money, in that he saved a little, paid bills on time, had good credit. He had just never written down, $200 for groceries, $300 for gas, ect. I have always worked off of a budget and really couldn’t manage without one. He was totally fine with that. We make a new monthly budget at the start of each month. We used to sit down and make it together. But now he just does it. It’s basically the same every month anyways. If there is a problem or (haha) extra money, then we talk about it.
He does have his own checking account that he transfers his spending money into and technically so do, although I never use it. He thinks it’s easier to spend out of a separate account, I think it’s a pain.
I perfer joint accounts because then paying the bills isn’t about who pays what. There’s no arguing about the fact that one person’s bills are more than the others. There’s less mine and yours and more ours. My friend and her husband have always had separate accounts and it has seems like a strain. At least from my perspective, I don’t know all their details. My friend complains to me about having to give her husband money to pay bills and she always feels like it wasn’t quite fair. I think they split the bills evenly even though he makes more than her. She is always borrowing money from her husband to cover bills and then having to pay him back. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
How can you say “This is our house, our cars, our TV, our kids.” and then say “That is your money, and this is my money.” “Those are your bills, these are my bills.” It seems like there would be so much time and effort making sure everything is fair. And that eventually is going to build resentment. Some is going to feel slighted. It seems inevitable.
If we had always had separate accounts, what would have happened when I became a stay at home mom? Would my husband have felt like he was doing me a favor by paying my bills?
Obviously, there are potential troubles with joint accounts as Kristy pointed out in her post. But I think those horror stories comes more from choosing the wrong spouse than having joint accounts. I trust my husband with my whole heart. I can’t imagine him, or I, ever stealing each other’s money, even if things were to go south. To me, not sharing something so basic doesn’t seem like marriage. How can you say “you are not welcome to these resources” to your spouse? Your partner in life. The person you’ve chosen to stand with against the world, to build your life with.
Clearly, whether or not to have joint accounts is a personal choice. This is just my opinion on the matter.
Pic by: Kumon
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10 Responses for "Joint Accounts"
I agree; separate accounts would be really alienating. How can you share everything and not share money? What would the feeling of one person “having more money” breed? I can’t imagine.
I too, have to agree with you. We are a family, and this is our family’s money, and this is what our family is going to do with our money is how our household looks at it. There are no individuals… of course we each do have a separate account where we keep our “spending” money… but there’s rarely any money in those, and we’ve almost made the switch to just using cash for any spending situations.
First a quote: “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.”
How can you say “This is our house, our cars, our TV, our kids.” and then say “That is your money, and this is my money.” “Those are your bills, these are my bills.”
– The same way you say these are my shoes, my clothes, those are your clothes, your shoes. We are separate people who walk the same path. It’s ours if we both use it, yours if only one does.
It seems like there would be so much time and effort making sure everything is fair. And that eventually is going to build resentment. Some is going to feel slighted. It seems inevitable.
– Fair is whatever you agree is fair. If there is a disagreement, as with your friends, it should be discussed and a compromise found…just like any other disagreement in your marriage. When these discussions are not had, of course there’s resentment! For your friends I would suggest each pay a percentage equal to the percentage that is their own income relative to their total income. (ie, she makes 40% of their combined income, she pays 40% of expenses)
But I think those horror stories comes more from choosing the wrong spouse than having joint accounts.
– Yes they do…and so do the stories about couples with separate finances who don’t trust each other, etc.
How can you say “you are not welcome to these resources” to your spouse?
– You can’t and you don’t. Separate is apart, not alone. We plan how to reach our goals and how to cope when things get tough together. We just handle our own individual day-to-day expenses ourselves.
I agree with you whole-heartedly. I can’t imagine not considering all money “our” money. DH does have a separate account for his hobbies, but it has both of our names on the account and it is only separated because it’s easier for him to reconcile it that way. We’ve gone through patches in our marriage where I’ve made more money, but typically he’s made more money (like now - I’m a SAHM!) and it’s been reassuring to know that neither of us is comparing paystubs to see who has to pay more of the bills that month.
My husband and I have joint accounts for everything except retirement, which are legally required to be separate. Trying to cope with all our bills with separate accounts would be more trouble than it would be worth.
We agreed to have a limit on how much either of us could spend without discussing the expenditure first. The limit has grown as our incomes have grown. For example, when we first got married, we agreed to discuss any expense over $75 before making the purchase. Now, we discuss any expense over $200 before making the purchase. This way, there’s no hiding expenses or resentment over large purchases.
BF and I now keep separate accounts. With a future family, we may do a joint account + separate accounts and just transfer in cash…
I don’t like mixing the two because he makes much more than me and I want things fair where we pay 50/50…
If it were reversed, I’d feel resentful for paying more.. so 50/50 is fair
[...] at WideOpenWallet tells us about her experience with “Joint Accounts” in response [...]
I have been burned by having a joint account with a girlfriend in the past and that has left me kind of resistant to having one again. The biggest problem was that neither of us had (or even knew of) good financial habits. No budgets were written and we both just used funds as if they were always going to be there.
Knowing now what I did not know then I may be more open to the idea with the right person, after I’m married….
[...] Ashley over at Wide Open Wallet adds more information about Joint Accounts [...]
To have joint accounts for husband and wife is very critical condition during the division of assets during divorce.
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