Financial independance and divorce

Author: Ashley

15 Sep

It got two phone calls this weekend that were so similar and yet so opposite, and it all came down to how my friends had handled their money.

The first was a celebratory call from a friend that her divorce was final. They separated over a year ago because she had caught him cheating. She was still reeling from that news when found out he had racked several thousand dollars in credit card debt behind her back, including opening some cards in her name that she didn’t know about. She kicked him out. I don’t remember the details but for some reason their house was already behind in mortgage payments. I think the adjustable rate had reset and they couldn’t refinance or sell. (You know the story there.) So she just stayed in the house for as long as possible. One day she got a letter that said she had to be out in 24 hours. So she moved into a one bedroom apartment with her son and started putting her life back together.

The second call was from another friend who just recently found out her husband is cheating. The difference here is that she can’t kick him out. She hasn’t worked in 10 years. She has no marketable skills what so ever. She would love to be able to tell him to leave, but she needs his money. Her husband can’t afford to maintain two households, honestly, he can barely afford to maintain the one they have. So she is staying. She has already looked into a nurses aid program that is 6 weeks long and starts in January. When she gets out she will be able to make $16 an hour. Is that enough to support herself and 3 boys? I don’t know. But even if it is, it means staying in a situation she doesn’t want to be in for probably 6 months or so. Obviously not ideal.

So what’s the point? I don’t know… it just struck me as odd that I got both these phone calls in the same weekend. One wife had kept her financial independence and as a result was able to stand up for herself when her marriage didn’t work out. The other wife was financially dependent and is now forced to stay in a marriage she doesn’t want to be in.

I sound like a hypocrite today, being a stay at home mom and all.

pic by: M Salah RiddleR

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4 Responses for "Financial independance and divorce"

Kim September 15th, 2008 at 11:36 am 1
I don’t think you are a hypocrit. I think we all make our own choices and when the results aren’t what we expected, we need only look at what choices got us there…and make different ones. I have learned alot from my choices. I, too, left a marriage without being able to support myself or my kids. I went back to school and somehow survived. Kudos to your friend who was prepared. How fortunate the other friend is to be able to make different choices so when she does leave (if she does) her experience will have made her wiser. I am a slow learner but I have learned. I wish them both the best.
LAL September 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm 2
Life isn’t always fair. And I don’t think your a hypocrite. It just shows that you can end up divorced whether you stay at home or work. There is no advantage that a lot of people preach to being a stay at home parent.

Obviously it’s just depends on the marriage, not the situation.
Emily September 16th, 2008 at 6:41 am 3
You aren’t a hypocrite. You can be a SAHM and keep your financial independence or at least keep your ability to have it if necessary. I actually kind of cringe when people make general sweeping statements that women who stay home aren’t financially independent (not saying you are saying this) because while some women who stay home may not be able to go out and start making 6 figures tomorrow if they needed a job, there is more to it than that. I have savings, we contribute to retirement plan for me, and I have an education. I am savvy, I’d make my way. One benefit to learning to live on so little is that if it came down to it, I don’t have to go far to make what we need to survive. I’d be more scared if I was married to someone making 6 figures and would have to replace that to survive, but I’m not.

Best of luck to both of your friends. I will keep my opinions to myself about their situations but I do wish them both well!
Florida Online Divorce September 16th, 2008 at 7:28 am 4
I’ve gone through a bitter divorce and know the deep pains all too well. But I know that I chose wisely to admit the mistake and forgive myself.